Gifts
by A Curious Stranger
Summary: Giving presents don't always end with warm, fuzzy feelings.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters portrayed in this work.

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Gifts

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As Hidan walked up the stairs to one of Kakuzu's offices in the Rain Country, the nihilistic monk couldn't help but wonder what the hell the shitty sinner wanted.

'Does he want to warn me about getting in his way during the next mission?' thought Hidan as he reached Kakuzu's office and knocked on the door.

"Enter,"

Shrugging Hidan went inside not bothering to close the door and looked around the office before looking at his partner. It was the first time that he'd ever been inside and couldn't help but be impressed at the sheer wealth the office showed off. Everything, from the elaborate paintings to the rich furniture in the office reeked of wealth. Quite astonishing really since Kakuzu was the cheapest bastard Hidan had ever seen. Hell, he'd seen the man refuse to go into towns and pay for the cheapest motels there complaining about how back in his day, missing-nin were forced to sleep in trees while eating bark or some other bullshit like that.

"Wondering about my office Hidan?" asked Kakuzu. The Falls-nin didn't even look up from his paperwork as he said "My offices are always elaborately decorated. It serves to impress my partners and encourage them to invest in my businesses. Anyway, I've called you here for a reason. Come closer. I have something for you"

Hidan took a few hesistant steps forward half-expecting the 'something' to be a knife between his ribs or some other equally unpleasant surprise.

As Hidan grew closer to his desk, Kakuzu tossed him a scroll. The monk instantly recognized it as a sealing scroll and carefully applied chakra to it.

After a plume of white smoke, Hidan was left holding an elaborate triple-bladed scythe. Hidan could immediately tell that the scythe was a masterpiece. As he carefully examined the three blades, Hidan recognized the seal that recognized its creation by one of the premier bladesmiths of Mist. Afterwards, he turned his attention to the wood. The staff part was chakra-saturated wood from Fire Country. That much was obvious from the burnished 'Fire' seal near the bottom of the weapon. Hidan carefully took a few practice swings with the weapon. The scythe hummed dangerously while Hidan examined it for any possible problems. After a few minutes of careful examination, Hidan was incredibly pleased with it.

"Whew. That's a hell of a nice scythe. You giving it to me?"

"Yes."

"… Seriously? A money pinching bastard like you are going to give me, a handsome and cool monk, a badass weapon like this?"

"Yes," said Kakuzu as he rubbed his brow.

"Why?"

Inwardly, Kakuzu tried to decide whether or not he should actually tell Hidan the reason why he was giving such an expensive weapon to him or just tell the man to fuck off.

"Your immortality means that I am unable to kill you in one of my moments of rage."

"You mean your bitch-fits?" smirked Hidan.

Kakuzu managed to resist the temptation of throwing his paperweight at the monk and simply responded "If you must call it that then yes."

"As I was saying, you are immortal. And that immortality does not extend only to age, but battle wounds as well. I consider the scythe to be an investment of sorts. Though I too am immortal, I may still be able to be killed in combat. This scythe should decrease that slight chance by giving you extra range to your attacks and allowing you to fully utilize your unique skills. And if by some chance you do manage to die, then I should still be able to make a profit on it."

"As nice as this little present may be, I can't use it until I kill a virgin with it. The scriptures are really strict about stuff like weapons."

"I'm well aware of that. After I ordered the scythe, I took the liberty of researching your little religion and killed a few of the monks nearby a few days ago. I'm fairly certain those monks were virgins, but just to make sure I killed seventeen of them with it."

"Y-you, you actually did that for me? Holy fuck! Thanks man!" exclaimed Hidan as he rushed behind the desk to embrace the man.

"You keep on doing things like that and you just might not go to Hell after all!"

Irritated, Kakuzu unceremoniously threw Hidan to the opposite side of the office.

"Hey, you mind if I swing this around a bit more to get a feel for it?"

"Be my guest, but get out soon."

Hidan eagerly began to thrust the scythe and slice the air around him. He then began swing the weapon around like an eager child on his birthday.

A bemused Kakuzu kept an eye on him while he continued to stamp the forms in front of him.

The scythe began to spin faster and faster as Hidan swung the weapon with reckless abandon until finally-

SCHINK

A hand fell on to the soft carpet.

Kakuzu's emerald eyes immediately widened as he stared at the twitching limb on his soft and, more importantly, Expensive carpet.

"Hidan!"

"Whoops, my bad," Hidan said calmly as he cradled his bleeding and severed wrist.

"Get out!"

"Okay okay. Calm down before you have a stroke old man," Hidan said as he moved to pick up the hand.

Hidan did not move quickly enough for Kakuzu who detached a string, wrapped it around the hand, and threw it out of the room like a ball.

"Hey! That's my fucking hand you dick!"

This time, Kakuzu couldn't resist the temptation and hurled a paperweight with all of his considerable might. The paperweight slammed into Hidan's forehead which immediately began to weep blood onto the already bloody carpet.

"Okay, now that's just your own fucking fault," Hidan slurred before Kakuzu came around his desk and hurled the man outside.

A few moments later, Hidan gathered his senses from the toss and manage to pick himself up. Swaying like a drunk, Hidan asked "H-hey Kakuzu. Sorry about the chopped off hand thing, but you think you could … you know, reattach my hand before going back inside?"

In response, Kakuzu walked up to the man and gave a generous but more importantly, free open-palm thrust to Hidan's stomach before slamming the heavy door.

"Urk!" went Hidan as he fell to the ground again. Coughing, Hidan picked himself up yet again as his fingers reached for the scrap of paper that Kakuzu had left on his chest. The moment Hidan's fingers made contact with the paper, the Raiton note immediately activated and sent enough electrical current through Hidan's body to fry an elephant. Ten times over.

Hidan managed to form a coherent thought after the Raiton note burned itself out. Luckily, the pain had lasted only a few excruciating seconds because the electrical current burned through his pain receptors and left him numb.

The heavily wounded and pissed off monk then screamed as loudly as his body could manage.

"You know if you'd only accept Jashin into your fucking life, you wouldn't worry about fucking carpets and shit! Ahh Fuck!"

Kakuzu meanwhile, could have cared less. The only thing left for him to do was to hire a decent and cheap cleaner.

On the next mission though, Hidan got his revenge by rearranging Kakuzu's limbs as the man slept. But that's a story for another time.


End file.
